e-i-g-h-t-e-e-n and the kids table

I probably won't have time before Thursday to blog, so I'll go ahead and blog about being 18, even though I'm not quite there yet. It feels like it though. It always seems to be such a big deal to turn 5 or 13 or 16, but I didn't feel different until I turned 17. There was a day too. Probably the 12th of 13th of November of last year. This time, it was early, not late. About a month ago I started feeling different. And suprise, suprise! Dad remembered it was the 2nd and he came in and told me last Thursday that I only had a week left. I said that couldn't be right, but checked my calendar and it was. Now, I've only got two days. That's a big thing for dad, seeing as how he always thinks it is the 3rd or 4th. It's exciting, yet unsettling all at the same time.

I was talking to an elder and his wife in our hall and he asked me how pioneering was going. I said it was wonderful and I was really enjoying what I was doing. He said that they were very impressed with what I was accomplishing and that they had really seen me grow up. I asked him what he meant, since they have only known me a year. He explained that I have really matured and seemed much more secure with myself, like I had grown up not in a physical way, but mentally. That made my day because all I could think about in this past month that I "felt" older was that I was even less prepared for what was to come and that my 17th year was a total bust as far as preparing me for the next one. Part of me not feeling "ready" probably has something to do with the fact that I'm tired of growing up and being so self-concious. A few weekends ago, I was in Alpharetta. We ate at Pure. Guess where I sat. The kids table. The biggest thing about it was that I wanted to sit there. I didn't want to sit with the adults and hear them talk about stuff that is interesting, but not as much fun. So I sat with I Dunno, Mehsha, and He who tells jokes (at least I think that's his nickname). It was the most fun I had had in a very long time and I didn't care what people thought when Jokester put the chips basket on his face and picked up his pencil and pretended to fence. Or when Mehsha and I would bust out in various rap songs like "MoneyMaker" or some Lil' Jon song, and "Holla Back Girl". Normally, when Mehsha yells out in a resturant, I'm sushing her all over the place, but I didn't care. I felt happy sitting there. Pretty much care free. Sure I want to grow up and all, but I want to be able to feel secure and to go wild everyonce in a while. Like at the Raconteurs concert. It felt SO good just to yell and scream, especially in people's ears that you wanted to move out of your way. When I sat with the kids, it felt good to know that I didn't care I was sitting with the kids and I was pretty proud when one of them would act up. I'm sure that I Dunno hit the people sitting at the table behind us when he threw a napkin holder, and all I did was wave when they turned around to look at us and give us dirty looks. Mehsha just told me, "See what you've been missing!?" And I did. I realized that I can act 12 or 13 some of the time and it doesn't hurt me, but I feel better. One of my biggest peeves is that I don't think I was really 12 when I was 12 or 13 when I was 13, and now I want to go back. Well, that's impossible so the next best thing is to be secure with yourself enough to act like 12 or 13 sometimes, and I hope I'm getting close to mature enough to act that way.

I have made a few decisions as far as my future is concerned. I met my new C.O. on Saturday and I love him. I really do. Not like that, but I could get attached. He and his wife are very warm, fuzzy, happy, huggy people, and probably to most of y'all's suprise, I love huggy people. No matter how I'm feeling, I'm always up for a hug. They got up on the stage to give their experince and it made me want to pioneer with them so bad, so I'm going to take a year off of school and pioneer with them because I really want to go to pioneer school with them. He sounds exactally like Bill Clinton, which makes sense because they are both from Arkansas. The C.O. and his wife visit in January. I can't wait.

Still haven't made any decisions about some other things that have been floating around in my head... but I did do this today and I'd be much obliged to you all if you would just follow the directions on this page: http://kevan.org/johari?name=AffableOlive.

See you when I'm 18!

Just a simple little update

So... I cut off from service after four hours today. Deborah Clasky finally realized when I fell over at about 2:30 that I needed to go in. I barely made it here, but I have some school work that I needed to send, so I drove here. I'm hoping that I can make it home. Yesterday, I went out for four hours while it was raining, so I don't feel too great today and I hit my head getting into the van again and that still hurts. I'm hoping that will go away tomorrow, or sooner.

Speaking of driving... I may have to get a real job. I finally babysat again this Monday. Contessa's dad (who still doesn't have a nickname) had given me off four work days in a row and now I'm working again. But it seems that the truck is having trouble starting. Thing is with the truck, it's 18 years old. That's quite a while for a car, even if it doesn't have 100,000 miles on it yet (it's only up to about 70k). But if it quits working, that means dad has to drive the Jeep everyday to work and it's not like I can just adopt the Trail Blazer from mom. That's her car. Dad's vehicle for as long as I can remember has been free range for users. Nobody really touches mom's car but her, unless I'm washing cars. That leaves me, the continuous auxilary pioneer, without a car. I don't expect mom and dad to just buy me one either. They really can't right now, especially since we just moved and don't know the money situation yet. It also takes a lot of saving to buy a car. I don't have enough to do that now. So... I'm hoping and praying that the truck can hold out until I finish high school and can get a real job. If not, I don't even want to think about that.

The DSL situations is looking very bright at this point. Cable is not avaliable in our area. We are too far in the boonies. A brother in the congregation actually works for Bellsouth and is THE DSL guy for the O.C. Isn't it glorious? Bellsouth told us that all the ports were "full." Well, this brother said he has to check, but he always leaves a few open for businesses and he considers us a business. Mom needs it for work and I need it for school. It's a necessity. So he's calling tomorrow to tell us for sure if he has a port. If not, we'll be without for another two months.

As far as the situation with Andy Clasky goes, I'm going to answer P. June's questions:
3. “Personal/Meaningful” = Intimate/Private? For instance, do you discuss things with him that you wouldn’t normally talk about with anyone else just because of convenience and proximity? Or that you would ONLY (previously) talk about with Easel? Would maybe all the conversations of the infamous “month” fall into the personal/meaningful category?
Andy and I have done well this week so far. Yesterday, I met in the afternoon and was sandwiched in the middle seat of his truck with him driving and another sister on the other side of me with Billy Ray Cyrus on softly in the background, and that was a little awkward, but it only lasted an hour and then he went in and I stayed with Deborah. We were only together today for about 2 hours, and even then I wasn't going to doors with him since we are doing this tract work, which is going suprisingly well. I've placed almost my whole 50. I have about 15 left. In two days. But the answer to all of those questions is "yes," so I do realize that some things have to change. We haven't been together so much lately so conversation has not been "personal/meaningful" at all. Some simple conversations about what we have been doing (drinking a lot of hot chocolate and visiting race trac and a few blurbs about Billy Ray Cyrus and Jammies), and about what we are encountering in the territory. Light and fluffy stuff. I'll just have to see if it happens to ease itself back into old ways, but of course, one thing has changed since this first became a situation. Most everyone that reads probably knows what has changed again too.

Jules sent me some things to think about as far as schooling and hopefully we'll have DSL next week and I can hunker down with those e-mails.

Here's a little something special. I know everyone has seen this, but it's been years since I have taken it. Probably about five, and that does not encompass the last nine months that I have been out here. It's all over. This was my score: 76% Dixie. Your neck must be a little pink! Last time I took it, I was 45% Dixie. Andy says that there's not much left keeping me from saying "yee-haw" instead of my "that sounds like fun." Mom says that the Claskys are becoming bad association because my grammar is going and my southern accent, which used to be light, is getting to be just as thick as molasses. The other day, our P.O. was saying that we need to get all of this territory done. Andy looks back at me in the rear view mirror and asks me to say it. He likes to hear me say it because I sound SO very redneck when I do and I'm always sticking it to him and his mother about their grammar, when I'm getting just as bad. It's really starting to get scary y'all.

Situations

Situation #1: Well, I'm at the library. You know, the only one in the other O.C. that doesn't have any books. We can't seem to get DSL or dial up at our house. Thing is, DSL is limited and there's not an avaliable port at the moment. Dial up doesn't work with either of the two computers that we have right now. One is missing the component needed since it was part of a network before and the lappy has so many restrictions on access now that it's close to impossible to do anything but tax returns on it. I'm not babysitting either, so I can't charge my Zen or check my e-mail. I had to come to the library, end of story.

I ate a lady bug today. Not sure if I just spit it out or if I did actually swallow it. Either way Deborah, Andy, and Tori Amos were all throughly cracked up at my reaction. It's been years since I swallowed a bug. It didn't taste good at all.

It's my first fall out here. It's prettier than the spring. All of the morning glories in the fields are blooming gorgeous colors. They have started to defoliate the cotton and that stark white up against the brown is just...there aren't words for it when you come up over a hill and all you see is this sea of white. The sorgum is turning that deep maroon color and it's just... you have to see it to believe it. It's got to be the prettiest it's been out here all year. There's a cotton field right by the Clasky's house and I'm trying to convince Mehsha that we need to take black and white pictures. She can do it with her camera and she's got quite the eye. Also, we found out that you can get to the county line from our property and there is a river there. Y'all, it's just absolutely gorgeous. We drove home from the outlet mall that ate Dawsonville yesterday straight down 53. It was just so peaceful and calming and... y'all all need to get your butts out here this week or next and just see it. Just look at it. It's so purdy.

On to Situation #2. Well, I've been seriously thinking about college these past few weeks. There has been pressure from older forces to decide. It's really bothering me that I can't make a decision. I want to know what to do and what I want to do, just doesn't seem practical. For the past five years, all I have wanted to do is go into the field of journalism. These past two years I haven't given anything in that department any thought. I have just been focusing on school and service. I just need some idea and it's not coming to me. I had a suggestion to just pioneer after I finish school for a year and take that time to decide. That really doesn't suit me at all. I would feel like I was just spinning my wheels, though I love service and being able to devote ALL my time to that would be kinda nice... oh that sounds more appealing as I think about it. Thing is, I don't want to bum off my parents for forever and I don't want to feel like I have to get married to support myself. It's a thing with me, I know. But I'm taking suggestions for occupations. I'm also going to talk to Eliza who used to work for UGA in the Journalism school and she may be able to help me find some division of journalism that won't be so competitive and might pay a little better, but $30-40,000 sounds like enough to sustain me, and just me. Added to another pay like a room mate, it may be more than enough. It's puzzling me.

Situation #3: OK, I'm going to try not to use names, but y'all will know who it is. Who else do I spend 50 hours a month with in service that's a guy with a serious girl friend? Thing is, he has started to do things that I wouldn't expect a guy WITH a serious girl friend to do, like make me a sandwich or pay for my breakfast or share tons of inside jokes, etc. So I'm not too worried about him leaving his girl friend. I don't expect him to and there's no reason. I don't like him that way and we are just good friends. Thing is though, I had someone tell me not to talk about personal/meaningful stuff. I totally know where that person is coming from and it's good advice that I'm taking to heart. I'd just like to have y'all's opinions/definitions on "personal/meaningful" conversation. We sit in the car for 50 hours a month, so it's not like we can sit there in complete silence, I'd just like to know what everyone cosiders fall under that category so that I can make sure and avoid things of the sort. So I'm taking suggestions here too. From everyone preferably.

Thanks and I hope to blog again soon.

Life is a highway and I may get the keys taken away

There's not much going on here, except a critique of my driving, which was needed. All this getting talked to has my driving on the forefront of my mind and I'm trying to work on it. Contessa was scared when we took the turn today, but I took it at 15 MPH instead of 45 MPH, so we definetly stayed on our side of the road and out of the grass. The completely wacked thing was that Contessa's father (who really needs a nickname) didn't give a flying flip about how fast I was driving and that I hopped the curb. He said he wanted to ride with me sometime. When I finally pulled in the drive way last Monday, I just about threw up. If anyone got hurt in the car with me, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself and would have definetly thrown up. Even Andy Clasky was puzzled when Contessa's father begged him to take Contessa for a ride on his 4-wheeler. Poly's father, Big A, talked to me Sunday, so I knew this was serious, and my dad talked to me on the way home. I drive so great at night, so I just need to apply the same rules to the day light. I have gotten so relaxed with my driving and that's the biggest problem. I'm having touble balancing focusing on the road, checking my mirrors every 3 seconds, and keeping an eye on my dash like mom says too. I look up to the road and lose my bearings of speed. In my opinion, today I did really well. Much better. It also depends on my music. "Zac and Sara" seems to be a dangerous song. It was on when I hopped the curb and when I sped in Poly's neighborhood yesterday, so I didn't drive to that CD today. Just have to make some changes. I want parents to feel confident that their kids can ride with me and be safe, not just kinda safe and they reluctantly let them go.

I turn 18 in 32 days. I'm not looking forward to it.

Completed my first month of auxilary pioneering and made my time. I was excited.

In other news, tried some Turkland coffee this weekend from an old person's toe. I enjoyed the grounds. DSL gets hooked up on Wednesday. I feel so out of the blogging community since we don't have it at my house. We're switching to Gain detergent. It smells so good. Maybe I'll have something more interesting to write about.