Problem #6

I would like to take a moment to say BOO-YAH!!!!!! to problem #6. Thank you. I have a French exam in 2 and a half hours and I now have the confidence that I'm going to smoke this thing's butt. I'm feeling much better. It feels like a big burden has been lifted and I'm feeling the most carefree I've felt in a long time (with as much as I still have to do). I'm thinking bloggie won't be left behind. It is supposed to come with me through good and bad right? Come along bloggie, we've got some things to do. Au revoir is right Jules, but I prefer A bientôt (see you soon).

When the going gets rough

I'm taking some time off from the real world, or more like the life I created for myself for the past seven months. Blogger might end up being included. I've asked for time off, and my mind said it was OK and that I need to focus on school and service anyway. Plus there are some friends that have been getting the back burner that are worth catching up with since another one will be pushed aside for a while until I can figure out how I feel. If I don't update, there are probably a lot of reasons influencing that so don't push an update. That probably means I'm not in a sharing mood. I have a French exam tomorrow, and a piano lesson that's going to be rough for certain reasons, so this is going to be it for a while. Love you all and I hope you understand.

Weekend Update

Even still more job perks. Contessa's dad just got a new computer and they have high speed so I don't have to leave this glorious privledge behind when I up and go to "work" anymore. Now I can be just like P. June and Poly. Sit at the computer during work. And the sweet thing is it's positioned so that all I have to do is turn around and I can see the couch and... TADA! there she is. It was also more than nice what he did for me Friday. He understood completely when I asked to get off by 3:30 on Friday for a much needed weekend away from problems 1-5. He did even better than 3:30. I only had to watch Contessa for 15 minutes and then he was there to get her, which was better than I thought because it took over 2 hours to get to GSAM this past Friday. Traffic is a foreign idea to me now, but there is plenty of it once you get past the little city of Duluth! From Abbots Bridge all the way to Haynes Bridge was traffic and stop lights as far as the eye could see. Despite the tiring traffic that dominated Friday, the whole weekend turned out great, but of course, I was insanely goobly from the chocolate chip oatmeal cookies that I ate too many of. The movie is now one of my favorites. The GSAM group watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." I LOVED it for so many reasons. I'd like to get my own edited copy. (Aww, this brings back memories...there's a cat in my lap. My cat.) Saturday was a treat except for the ride home to the other O.C. and the car sickness that was making calls and trying to read the Bible in the morning. We (Polyglot, I Dunno, Mehsha, and I) watched another good movie. "When A Stranger Calls." All in all, I was more than satisfied with what I took part in this weekend.

I would also like to say thanks to all that read the "blank post" and thanks for those who have offered help and support. I just needed to get it all down. Just to let y'all know, this week is off to a slow, but better start. Thanks so much.

Fakin' It

I'm staying away from anything of the thought provoking sort, though I've done more than my share of thinking this week in trying to figure out something to do about Problems 1-6. 6 decided to rear it's nasty self at me last night and I was up later than late. (No, problem 6 has nothing to do with Mehsha. We're doing better, since she's not here to fight with any more.) Both P. June's and Poly's posts weren't really helping me be distracted from what I've got going on. Remembering the past isn't good when you're trying to deal with the present. I've been trying to keep busy and forget about them. School has become a welcome distraction for me. I've been working on my favorite class, 5 Novels of Change. Right now, I'm living on the Mississippi instead of in the other O.C.

Skeeter and I have been bonding since Mehsha has been at school. He's a poodle, on the very small side, so he's naturally needy. He's bred to be one person's companion, but Skeet is sweet to all. Hands down, he's THE best dog we've ever had, besides Sam, but he couldn't come in the house. (That was our 200 lb. English Mastiff. He was that big too.) He's always preferred mom over me, but since yesterday, I've had little clicking paws following me around. It's really easy to hold him. It's like holding a baby, but I don't know of a single baby that I've held that only weighed 4 lbs. Except Skeeter continuously smells like dog. Babies smell bad every once in a while, but then they smell good again. I may bathe our little 2 year old today.

Anyway, piano lesson today. Wait...yeah, let's just skip straight to today's lesson. No wait, well, I'll share what I found out yesterday about my piano with someone eventually because I think it's interesting. Oh heck, YOU WILL ALL KNOW. I found the shrillest notes on my piano. The second highest A, and the highest D,E, and F. They are so shrill that they ring back with an extra tone, which may just be my ears. I'm supposed to have "perfect" hearing. Either it's so bad that I'm missing something when the note plays or either they are so good, I'm picking up something that most people don't hear. I'm surprised that my piano is still intact after I was banging on it yesterday. I was just short of taking the thing apart, or busting it to pieces. I found some tape on a key that was sticking. One of the lower B's. It played much better after I removed the tape. How did tape get on a key? The same way paper "snow" got under all of the keys, Barbie took a fall down a (never) ending pit, and the way some of the keys now have red and green accents. At least she's creative and imaginative. Mom beat her butt when she drew on the piano. It hasn't come off in 11 years. Wow. 11 years feels like a long time...hard to believe it's been that long. Today, with one less sticking key, I had the COOLEST piano lesson I've ever had. I took piano for 5 years, 5 years ago, and I know I liked doing it then, but I have a better appreciation for what I'm learning now. With the added dedication that I'm putting into my lessons, we're flying through stuff that took me 4 years to do. Some of that may be the prize at the end of book 4. By that time, Brother Piano Teacher said that we can do TORI AMOS!!! In my free time, I've been piddling with "Pretty Good Year," (if you have this one Poly, I don't know about it. The live improv before sounds easy in a cutesy way.) but not seriously enough to have any of it where it sounds cohesive, except maybe the first four measures. My favorite lesson until today's was the one where there sheet music book for Under the Pink came in and my piano teacher was quite intrigued, so he stayed 30 minutes longer than we pay him for and played "Pretty Good Year," "Bells for Her," "Cornflake Girl," and "Over It." I was enthralled that day. Humming along. (I can't sing. Especially not like Tori.) That was an exciting lesson. Today beat it. Just incase you haven't been reading the blog from the beginning, which most of you have, I LOVE LOVE LOVE David Berkeley. Mom had quite the engaging conversation with him the first time we saw him. We (as in mom and I) decided that we had seen David before and all we could come up with was Whole Foods. If he wasn't married, I'd be preaching to him for more than one reason. A few weeks back, Poly told me he had gotten the sheet music for basically my favorite song of David's, "Fire Sign." I printed it out and showed Brother Piano Teacher, and he started showing me how to play it. The first three pages are very simple to play, but then it gets to the part where it only gives the melody that his voice is making and the chords that he's strumming on the guitar. After all, the sheet music is written for guitar. That was probably three or four lessons ago. He asked me if I wanted him to look for a book that showed the chords and how to break them up for each scale so that I could break up the guitar chords and play the rest of the song. He said that people that play piano in bars and stuff usually carry around books called Fake books. He explained that Fake Books just have the chords for songs. They are about 1000 pages or something close to that with popularly requested songs. If they tried to put it down note for note, the book would be too heavy to carry around. People that play this way are "faking it" in a sense because all they have are the chords and they are breaking them up so where it sounds right and putting notes inbetween, thus, why they call them Fake Books. Hyped up once again because I was going to play something that I love, I enthusiastically said yes, please do. I love the piano and I love playing, but what I'm learning in the lesson books feels perfunctory and I'm not into it as much as playing something that I have a passion for. Today, he brought the book with all the chords in it. First of all, it's a new book, so I'm going to be excited. Second of all, he said to play the songs I was assigned last week and then we would look at the chords book and try and break up the song. Was I thrilled? NAW! That was the happiest I've been all week. I played the songs and then all we did for the rest of the hour was listen to "Fire Sign" and break up the chords. He did it first and in a surprised manner, I sat down after he told me to try it. There's not a way that faking it can be taught, so he showed me and helped me along. Each person is going to think that a different arrangement of a chord sounds better than another one, so it's the basic concept that can be taught instead of the notes. It's completely different from reading notes off a page. It is one step closer to playing by ear, which is something I hope to be able to do once I'm perfect. Since we didn't get to do anything out of my lesson books, my assingment for the week is to work on breaking up the chords so where I like the way they sound and incorporate the melody within the chords. Next week, I show him what I've got and he'll help me out if I've picked out a chord arrangement and there is an easier way. I'm learning how fake it, but even better; I'm learning how to play "Fire Sign." Sweet beans.

Five, Six, Pick-up sticks

I was cold feeling inside and out all day. A hoodie and blue jeans was my attire today and I was still cold, and it has nothing to do with the carton of ice cream I hugged at lunch. Got a blister playing the piano today...somehow. It's on the base of my right thumb. How you ask? I have no earthly idea. I've got a piano post for tomorrow though, so I'll save the other things I was going to say for then. I watched the pilot of "The Office" today. I bought it on DVD (the whole first season) at Target for $17. It was on price cut. Did lots of laughing during lunch.

Our house guest has been here three whole days now, or three days and three nights. She's here for pioneer school. I'll call her Big Affie. Her name is spelled the same way as my first name and we have the same first and last initials, only she's older by two years. That's her only qualification to get the suffix "big." She's actually smaller than Mehsha. It's hard now when someone just calls out "Affie" and two come. Maybe I should actually go by Affie for the next two weeks and make life a little easier. Having her here is great. I'm getting to know her inside out, but I'm not being easy to get to know this week (i.e.- white post). Thank goodness she's staying two weeks. I wish she could stay longer. Really, I am learning a lot about her though and she definitely doesn't act 19 either, or at least not all the time. If you've met her, you know that I look two or three years her senior. It's so much fun. I love having guests. Mom said that she wanted to have five kids, and she would have had it been possible, and ya know, I don't think I would mind as much as I thought I would. Since she's been here, we (me, Big Affie, and Mehsha) have all become serious pick-up stick players. I'm in line for the next challenge. I never played much when I was little, though the Greenparents had a nice set that has come to be a dilapidated set after four grandkids. It was occasional, just like for Big Affie. We have a set right now and Mehsha pulled them out at the mention of them on a television show and Big Affie made a nostalgic comment and they decided to start playing. After I finished getting ready, I too, joined in. Last night, I lost both games I played. Tonight, I'm the undefeated champion, but of course, there are only three of us playing so it's not that hard to be undefeated or defeated for that matter. You get really into it. It takes a lot of concentration to pick out a stick that you think won't make any of the others move and then try and figure out a process to get it out of the pile without screwing the rest of it up. Very complicated. Mehsha started making piles. Hard piles. And the game will literally take an hour or so to finish. So in efforts to stay away from the real world today after I blankly spilled some of my beans on the blog floor (which set my nerves on edge, but felt a little better just knowing someone can see it if they wanted to), I looked up pick-up sticks more for origin of the game, not so much for the name. Most everyone knows that rhyme and the line goes "five, six, pick-up sticks. Seven, eight, made a mistake..." or wait, is that last part from a double-dutch rhyme? I think it is. (I used to kick butt at double-dutch too, before they took recess away from us.) Yeah it is. The real nursery rhyme goes this way: One, two, buckle my shoe Three, four, shut the door Five, six, pick up sticks Seven, eight, lay them straight Nine, ten, a big fat hen Eleven, twelve, men must delve Thirteen, fourteen, maids are courting Fifteen, sixteen, maids in the kitchen Seventeen, eighteen, maids in waiting Nineteen, twenty, my plate's empty ...(I didn't know from 11-20) That's beside the point. The game started in China. All I have to say is: duh. Didn't all the cool stuff start in China? Or almost maybe. The Arabs did have the "0" concept, but they started algebra too, so that cancels out the good thing. In China, sticks of this sort were used for divination and then it became a form of a gambling game. That's kinda what out version is, since it has point scores for each color stick. From China it went to Korea and Japan and then across the Bering Strait, like everyone and everything. I was also surprised to find that they were originally called "jerk straws" then "jack straws," as well as pick-up sticks. And I never thought about it before, but Jenga is a form of pick up sticks. So, I'm being called for a game now and I'd like to defend and keep my title, so I'll stop there about something everyone else probably thinks is boring.

Blobber

Isn't he eerily cute? He's clear and nameless right now. Soon he'll be clear and with a name. P. June put one on her blog so I hope she doesn't mind me being so poser. All you see at the bottom of my blog now are these jumping eyes and a little bitty square with my page stats. If you click on my friend here, you go flying to spacefem.com where the totally useless quiz is. The box goes to some page that tells you I had a visit from someone in Spain to my blog (I suppose by way of H'n'B's blog, since we're all linked together). I'll post something of a different flavor later, but things won't settle down in my head right now enough to think about what I want to post. We have a house guest and lots of other things going on right now. This is my escape time. Shhh...mom thinks I'm writing essays. I have to get away from the bunnies and find a switch.

It's there, but don't bother with it

I prefer not to post about these sorts of things [The ISFJ is not likely to express their feelings.], but Easel isn't home (well, she comes home tonight and hopefully we can have a nice long talk) and I don't really have the time (and nobody else does) to sit and chat on the phone and tell someone all that's going on, and few would know how all of this is actually affecting me. [ISFJs...When down on themselves or under great stress, the ISFJ begins to imagine all of the things that might go critically wrong in their life.] I'm going to go at this by introducing the problems I feel I can share starting with those of the most importance because there are two that I probably won't share. If you do decide to highlight and read, NONE of this leaves the blog.

Problem #1: Mehsha returned to school today. It was dad's final decision, but I think it was made for the wrong reasons. He says that he wants to finish paying for her braces first. Today, I finally heard that if Laurel Springs turns out to be the better choice for her, come winter, she'll be outta there. So, in a selfish manner, I'm hoping really hard that it doesn't work out. Yesterday we went shopping for her school supplies. Anyone can tell when I'm upset about something. There are usually the beginnings of tears in my eyes, I want to be by myself, I'm short in conversation...etc. In Target, that's kinda hard to do, but I spent all my time wandering the opposite side of the store and only met up with them at the check out counter (where I saw a sophomore in college that I know, so we chatted a moment...it was awkward). She and I have been fighting (mostly about this) since Sunday. We had quite the fight and I was far more emotional that usual. Everyone needs a good cry sometimes, but it never feels right when you cry. Nobody is pretty when they cry either, so it's just not natural. But I don't feel this is right for Mehsha [You deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system.]. She's doing this for three reasons she could give me, and she left one out that we all know is the real reason. 1)She wants to please dad. Response: That's all fine and dandy, and it's what she should do. Children be obedient to parents, even if you don't agree with what they are saying (and even if it has nothing to do with you, ie.-me). She told me that she didn't really want to go back to school, which brings me to her next reason. 2) She is worried about the money situation and wants to do her part in helping out. Mom said that the $2000 that goes for her schooling is made by her working and that there's nothing she needs to worry about because school is a totally separate expense than the others we have. 3) New clothes and a cell phone. Dad says the cell phone ain't happenin' (thank goodness), but the new clothes she's all geared up for. We went shopping yesterday for a "back to school outfit" at the mall. Of course, it wasn't cheap. (I got this insanely soft hoodie for the cocoon feeling it gave off. It gave me a warm, cozy, calm feeling, but it didn't last.) WE ALL KNOW THE REAL REASON THOUGH! Social. Life. That's what she missed most and was the only reason why she has wanted to go back. Homeschooling she loved. The lack of association she hated. Yesterday after her orientation, she came home talking about all the clubs that this school offers. Over. My. Dead. Body. I know what happens when you join a club. I was in a few. That's NOT what she needs AT ALL. As you can see I'm still semi-upset about this, but the family is coming to terms on all of this and I'm losing my self-righteous attitude about it all, especially now that I've heard there is a strong possibility that if she blows 'em outta the water, she's going back to Laurel Springs. She'll kick that school's butt. I know she will. She may be a smart aleck, but she's also genius smart. She would have been gifted certified if she could sit still long enough to take the test. That's what I'm hoping happens. They aren't going to take her out if she doesn't like it though. I do think she'll be back next year though, in Laurel Springs. I'll be done and we'll be settled in a house, which brings me to the next problem.

Problem #2: Housing. Right now, we are in the tiny rental. Both mom and dad are getting fed up with looking and are discussing just staying, which would be fine if we had an office, but we don't and being here and the fact that we have come to love having guests about the house, it's come to our attention that a fourth bedroom/office is a necessity. What we need and what we are used to and what we would like to do are all out of our price range. The other OC is expensive. They think very highly of their county, for good and bad reason. This county is 98% white and they want it kept that way. You aren't allowed you put a mobile home on any more property now. It's a law. The existing ones can stay, but no new ones. What we came from in Snellville would run us around $400K out here. We've found the perfect house. No renovations necessary, unlike the one with the hot tub and putting green that would need a lot of help (plus that one now has a contract on it). The one we want is huge. It's bigger than our old one, but we would like to finish a basement apartment for our special pioneer out here and there's still room for in-laws, if that becomes necessary. It's got FIVE bedrooms! Master, Mehsha's, mine, guest, and office. The kitchen is wonderful and it's already got hardwood floors on most of the main floor. I'm in love. Anything else we have looked at since then has been "ehm..." to me. We put a lowball offer in and the builder countered. Dad spent three days reworking our budget and he figured we can do it. Then he and mom decided that they didn't want to be SO tied down and dad still wants to go to Europe next year and buy me a car. First of all, Europe has been talked about since they came home from Paris...ah, 15 years ago. I don't think we're ever going. Dad can't sit still with a car long enough for us to be slightly stable economically. In my 17 years of being with my father, we have had 13 cars. I think we've had more cars than stray dogs take up at our houses. Me+car= not urgent. I'm fine staying home if I don't have a vehicle, except my job kinda makes things a little difficult. We have three vehicles, but one is older than I am. That Ranger isn't going to quit, it just lacks A/C and dad doesn't have A/C all day long and if I have Jeepie...he's rollin' the redneck way: windows down, rear-view mirror missing, dented side. Whole nine yards. I'm not allowed to drive the hazard vehicle, though I love the way the treadless tires ride on dirt roads. All it needs is an "I Heart Watkinsville" bumpersticker, and I gotta get to Bell's to get one. I could talk about the car situation all day because it's been a stress factor too. As much as the housing situation is NOTHING I have control over, it's given off more stress than the things I can control.

Problem #3: One of the few things I find true joy in doing has become a "situation." For about six months, I've had a plan in mind that I was going to start continuous auxiliary in September and go on the regular pioneer list after six months. No big right? Well, String-bean Andy quit his job to finish school and will be continuous auxiliary as well. He started this month. Andy's mom has become my service buddy and she's going to be his too. This is horribly obvious to see where this is going. Friday, Sis. Circuit overseer's wife came out in service with us in the other OC and before she left with Eliza in the afternoon, she mentioned that I needed to be extra careful about what I wore etc. with a young brother pioneering as well. That's just dandy. First of all, Andy is NO WHERE NEAR someone I would consider dating or getting the least bit involved with. All adults say that things like that change when you spend a lot of time with someone, but honestly, Andy and I have NOTHING in common. Not a single thing. He can't tell, but most of my comments about the things he finds enjoyable are so loaded with sarcasm it's gushing out the sides. Andy and I do talk about his brother a lot though because Andy still has definite ideas about his brother and me, as well as his brother and his girlfriend. Second, Andy has a very serious girlfriend. They have plans for marriage in one to two years. It's gonna get sticky. I'm not going to bother to separate Problem #4 because it fits so well here: Deborah Clasky has my life planned, spiritually speaking. Having someone as enthused about this as I am is wonderful, but I hate to disappoint her if I find that I can't do more than 50 hours a month. This problem is on the wane because I can work with this one and it's not so urgent to be dealt with and I know here, I'm going to do my thing, although what Deborah wants does matter quite a bit to me. She and I have become close during these past seven months.

Problems #5 & 6 are on a non-share basis. Easel knows about problem 6 and what it's done to me, but I'd prefer if she was the only one at this point because I know what I should do about it, but it's not what I feel like doing. Problem #5 is only a cautionary problem at this point. It maybe a full blown red alert by the end of this year and things will have to change drastically, again. I've never done to well with drastic change. Things need to be slower. Less stress.